I once got an opportunity to sit in on a meeting of Christian business owners. This forum was specifically for owners of business who want to run their organizations according to God’s principles. The leader of the group was quite a godly man and was full of wisdom. We watched a video from a Casting Crowns a Christian music group who are not afraid to put songs out there to challenge our worldly ways of thinking. This specific song was “American Dream” and talks about how a man works all day and night missing his wife, kids and life. He poured so much into his job that he was missing the things that were really important. He thought he was giving his family the finer things by making more money but he was depriving them of what they needed most in life; a husband and a father.
As the discussion went on in the group about work life balance, I was glad to hear the business owners talk about how they work hard to balance their time at work and their time with their families. There were really strong points made about how important they know it is to focus on God, their families and work in that order.
Then I asked the question: How many of you have people who work for you that seem to be there way beyond 40 hours per week. Each person in the room raised their hand. Then I said, “Don’t we have an obligation as Christian leaders to tell them to stop working so hard…to go home and be with their families? If we all feel so strongly about that, how could we let our own employees go down this destructive path?” The room fell silent.
Most of us as leaders have problems getting people to work, not to go home. Each of us likely has led someone who “works all day and lies awake at night” as the lyrics in the song say. Are we really leading if we let them work themselves out of being a husband and a father?
Tuesday, August 25, 2009
Thursday, August 20, 2009
Consider it an Honor
I sure have my share of life’s ups and downs. While I have been through much since I turned 18, I still realize how good I have it compared to others. Since becoming a believer around the age of 40, it seems the trials in my life have come in greater numbers. I hope that doesn’t discourage anyone who stumbles across this blog and does not yet know God. But I can say that my attitude towards those trials is completely different than it was before I met God.
I once worked at one of the premiere consulting companies in the world. Just before I could make partner at that firm, the firm folded. You might be able to figure which firm but that is not important. Just before that happened I went through a painful divorce, injured my knee and dealt with other emotional issues. I was not yet a believer and these times were very hard to handle emotionally. Since then I my work life has been in a continuous state of change. I have had three positions eliminated (while I was holding them) and one that we mutually agreed to part ways. I have gone through many employment transitions and fully understand what it means to be unemployed with no vision into the future.
One day at our church men’s breakfast, I was asked to speak and give a personal testimony. Of course part of that was how I must trust that God has a plan for me and that plan is for good and not for my destruction (Jeremiah 29:11). Since God’s word is true for those who believe, then this employment fun I have had must lead to something good. Since that time, God has given me several opportunities to sit with other men who have lost their jobs and don’t have the peace that I have through God. God has trusted me to handle this the way I have and help those find their way into God’s peace.
The bottom line is the most equipped people to help you with any given problems are the ones who have gone through it before you. Whenever God is taking you “through” a life situation, He is preparing you to help others with it. You are being trained and promoted into a role you didn’t have before experiencing the hardship.
Therefore, consider it an honor that God has chosen to work through you to help one of His children find their way to God’s peace in their situation. If you can truly grasp this it makes your own personal trials look and feel completely different.
I once worked at one of the premiere consulting companies in the world. Just before I could make partner at that firm, the firm folded. You might be able to figure which firm but that is not important. Just before that happened I went through a painful divorce, injured my knee and dealt with other emotional issues. I was not yet a believer and these times were very hard to handle emotionally. Since then I my work life has been in a continuous state of change. I have had three positions eliminated (while I was holding them) and one that we mutually agreed to part ways. I have gone through many employment transitions and fully understand what it means to be unemployed with no vision into the future.
One day at our church men’s breakfast, I was asked to speak and give a personal testimony. Of course part of that was how I must trust that God has a plan for me and that plan is for good and not for my destruction (Jeremiah 29:11). Since God’s word is true for those who believe, then this employment fun I have had must lead to something good. Since that time, God has given me several opportunities to sit with other men who have lost their jobs and don’t have the peace that I have through God. God has trusted me to handle this the way I have and help those find their way into God’s peace.
The bottom line is the most equipped people to help you with any given problems are the ones who have gone through it before you. Whenever God is taking you “through” a life situation, He is preparing you to help others with it. You are being trained and promoted into a role you didn’t have before experiencing the hardship.
Therefore, consider it an honor that God has chosen to work through you to help one of His children find their way to God’s peace in their situation. If you can truly grasp this it makes your own personal trials look and feel completely different.
Friday, August 14, 2009
Truth or Consequences on Pornography
I once struggled with viewing pornography. For some, reading that statement might change their opinions of me. For others, reading that statement doesn’t come as much of a shock as much of our male culture has this same struggle. And for others, they already know how my life has changed since I took on this problem head on.
There are two things I want to put out here for anyone who has the same struggle or a struggle with another drug-like addiction. I say drug-like addiction because I used this addiction just like someone uses a drug, alcohol or some other disorder like excessive eating. While the symptoms might look very different, fundamentally they are all the same.
The first point is, no matter what you use to soothe your hurt and how helpless you feel against it, God looks at them the same and gives us all a very comforting Word: "No temptation has seized you except what is common to man. And God is faithful; he will not let you be tempted beyond what you can bear. But when you are tempted, he will also provide a way out so that you can stand up under it."
1 Corinthians 10:13 (NIV)
Wow that sounds great but how do I see that work in my life? One thing we know is that when we are tempted (and I know this from experience), there is a fine line between moving on from the thought and giving into the temptation. Some in the psychiatry profession will say that fine line is less than 10 seconds. So here is the “way” I used to get past those 10 seconds. I would simply say (out loud most of the time), “God, I don’t want to give into this temptation and I ask you to take it from my mind.” Just in case you are curious, if you say that sentence twice without rushing through it, it takes about 10 seconds. Sometimes, I had to say it several times, but it never and I mean never failed to work. God tells us He is the way. I have no doubt about that.
The second point is, you should think about why you don’t do certain things that you know will cause you harm. The example I use repeatedly is how none of us will knowingly put our hands on a red hot stove. This is an easy one. I know exactly the outcome if I do this. I will get burned, feel immediate pain and see the results of my mistake for quite some time. It is possible that the scars that are left may never disappear. Now take that example and understand why it was so easy (relatively speaking) to give up pornography. I finally made the connection between my actions and the outcomes.
Small doses of radiation will definitely kill us over time. We know that and none of us would put ourselves in a place where we would be exposed. We also know that large amounts of radiation would kill us very quickly. But if you don’t know the radiation is present then you will just walk into it, be exposed and suffer the consequences. Pornography for me was taken in small doses over a long period of time without anything to offset its affects. For me, it was a killer. It destroyed my ability to connect to my significant other, distorted the way God wired me to choose my mate and ultimately affected my intimacy with my wife. Like radiation, pornography affects most of us the same way. People aren’t immune to radiation and it is guaranteed that small doses will kill us. So it is with sin of any kind. God promises us that all sin leads to death. There is no doubt about spiritual death and not much doubt about how some sins will kill us physically. So why do we keep doing it?
Back to the example of the hot stove. For those of us who are married, we have become one with our spouses. The bible talks about how our flesh is our spouses in both directions. So is it possible that I put my hand on the hot stove of pornography and feel no pain, but my wife’s hand is burned beyond recognition? Absolutely! I have heard many women talk about the scars they have from their husband’s porn habit. My wife still shows some of the scars of my habit and it has been almost five years since I last viewed it.
I have no doubt it hurts her greatly and our relationship is scarred by pornography. Knowing that, it is an easy decision. And your marriage is no different. Now that you know that, what is your decision?
There are two things I want to put out here for anyone who has the same struggle or a struggle with another drug-like addiction. I say drug-like addiction because I used this addiction just like someone uses a drug, alcohol or some other disorder like excessive eating. While the symptoms might look very different, fundamentally they are all the same.
The first point is, no matter what you use to soothe your hurt and how helpless you feel against it, God looks at them the same and gives us all a very comforting Word: "No temptation has seized you except what is common to man. And God is faithful; he will not let you be tempted beyond what you can bear. But when you are tempted, he will also provide a way out so that you can stand up under it."
1 Corinthians 10:13 (NIV)
Wow that sounds great but how do I see that work in my life? One thing we know is that when we are tempted (and I know this from experience), there is a fine line between moving on from the thought and giving into the temptation. Some in the psychiatry profession will say that fine line is less than 10 seconds. So here is the “way” I used to get past those 10 seconds. I would simply say (out loud most of the time), “God, I don’t want to give into this temptation and I ask you to take it from my mind.” Just in case you are curious, if you say that sentence twice without rushing through it, it takes about 10 seconds. Sometimes, I had to say it several times, but it never and I mean never failed to work. God tells us He is the way. I have no doubt about that.
The second point is, you should think about why you don’t do certain things that you know will cause you harm. The example I use repeatedly is how none of us will knowingly put our hands on a red hot stove. This is an easy one. I know exactly the outcome if I do this. I will get burned, feel immediate pain and see the results of my mistake for quite some time. It is possible that the scars that are left may never disappear. Now take that example and understand why it was so easy (relatively speaking) to give up pornography. I finally made the connection between my actions and the outcomes.
Small doses of radiation will definitely kill us over time. We know that and none of us would put ourselves in a place where we would be exposed. We also know that large amounts of radiation would kill us very quickly. But if you don’t know the radiation is present then you will just walk into it, be exposed and suffer the consequences. Pornography for me was taken in small doses over a long period of time without anything to offset its affects. For me, it was a killer. It destroyed my ability to connect to my significant other, distorted the way God wired me to choose my mate and ultimately affected my intimacy with my wife. Like radiation, pornography affects most of us the same way. People aren’t immune to radiation and it is guaranteed that small doses will kill us. So it is with sin of any kind. God promises us that all sin leads to death. There is no doubt about spiritual death and not much doubt about how some sins will kill us physically. So why do we keep doing it?
Back to the example of the hot stove. For those of us who are married, we have become one with our spouses. The bible talks about how our flesh is our spouses in both directions. So is it possible that I put my hand on the hot stove of pornography and feel no pain, but my wife’s hand is burned beyond recognition? Absolutely! I have heard many women talk about the scars they have from their husband’s porn habit. My wife still shows some of the scars of my habit and it has been almost five years since I last viewed it.
I have no doubt it hurts her greatly and our relationship is scarred by pornography. Knowing that, it is an easy decision. And your marriage is no different. Now that you know that, what is your decision?
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